Saturday, February 8, 2014

Eyes opened.

Eyes opened.

It is the most difficult aspect of adoption.

I’m hoping for the fairy tale story.  We travel across the world and sweep up two precious lives into our family.  We help transform them from poverty to princesses.  I’m a romantic at heart, so this ideal appeals to me.  And I hope to achieve it.  Oh, I’m not naive.  My family has an order and rhythm that we are about to disrupt by adding two strangers to our home.  There will be struggles and breakdowns, grief and anger, as we learn to be a bigger family.  But there will also be love and community, laughter and healing, and ultimately triumph.  With God’s help, I intend to get my “happily, ever after” for my girls.  Through the narrow lens of my experience, I believe I’m going to see my dreams come true.

But what happens when that lens isn’t so narrow?

That’s the problem.  You don’t just get to see the kids you are bringing home.  You see all the others who are left behind.  

I read a story today about a little boy who is unwanted.  A little boy who is a victim to circumstances he didn’t create.  A little boy who wants a family.  I’m crying as I write this because I want him.  We could make room in our family for one more.  But I can’t take him.  I’m fighting so hard for the two that I can get!  

If I’m honest, I wish I didn’t know his story.  Sometimes I wish we never started this journey because I was so blissfully blind.  I didn’t have to confront what we are doing, or not doing, to these children.  But my eyes have been opened and I can’t pretend that I haven’t seen.  I have to do something.

So today I’m advocating for Anthony.  Could this be your boy?  Could he fit in your family?  Could you give him a happily ever after?  Could you support him financially?  Could you give to help another family bring him home?  

It’s painful to open your eyes.  The darkness is much more comfortable.  But when we see, clearly see, what is in front of us, we will do something about it.  I’m inviting you to join me and make a difference today.  

Click here to donate to Anthony’s Adoption Fund or, better yet, to start your journey in bringing your son home!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

The Waiting Game

“Now we play the waiting game.  Aww, the waiting game sucks!  Let’s play Hungry, Hungry Hippos!”  ~  Homer Simpson

Homer is right - the waiting game sucks!  But that’s what we are playing here at the Fraley house.  It seems to be the most common aspect of the adoption process.  We have moments where we are scrambling in a panic trying to get paper work done or money raised that are followed by looooooong periods of waiting.  It can be soul crushing because I want my daughters.  I don’t want to wait.  But I don’t have much choice.

People have been asking us for a update.  We’re waiting.  That’s it.  We are waiting for the U.S. to approve our I-800 forms which will classify the girls as immediate relatives.  We are waiting on India to process the NOC, a no objection clause that prevents adoptions from occurring when a relative might step in.  We have no idea how long these things will take.  And when they are approved?  More waiting!  India has to process the adoption through the court system.  Guess what that results in?  Ding, ding, ding!  More waiting!  Then we have to apply for visas and passports for the girls.  More waiting anyone?  It’s hard to imagine an ending.  I was impatient when Julie was pregnant.  That was a long nine months!  We are going on three years here. Three!  Years!  We want them home so badly.

Homer was right about another thing. (Betcha didn’t know there was so much wisdom on The Simpsons?)  When the waiting sucks, you gotta play something different.  So that’s what we are trying to do.  We are beginning to prepare the bedrooms for the girls to get home.  There’s painting and cleaning to be done.  We are trying to scrounge up furniture make an amazing place for them to call home.  Julie and I are starting a diet and exercise regiment.  I need to drop some pounds before I get on the plane and pull a Kevin Smith.  We are learning some Hindi so we have some basis for communication.  We’ve even starting to look at some practical changes such as feeding a family of seven.  It’s a lot.  It’s keeping us crazy busy.  Even slightly overwhelmed.  But it’s sooooooo much better than just waiting.